19 years ago today...

I was attending Cal State Northridge (CSUN - located in the Los Angeles area) my sophomore year in college as part of the National Student Exchange Program and planning to transfer there permanently. That was my plan until I received the news from over 3000 miles away that would change my life forever.

While at work. my stepmom Rachel was killed - brutally murdered. The events that unfolded over the next two years were like nothing I could have ever imagined. People in my family were falsely accused - they were only proven innocent after enduring a death penalty trial.

Not only were our hearts breaking over the death of Rachel, but our family was ripped to pieces by the false accusations. It took years before I was able to really mourn losing Rachel. She and my dad had been married for over 10 years, and we were close.

We all coped the best we could. Unfortunately, the grief, numbness (at times I could literally feel NOTHING), anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness that my heart harbored left no room for the Holy Spirit. I chose what the world had to offer as my remedy - not God.

In another post I'll have to share how God's hand of protection was on me and how He used this period in my life as preparation for what was yet to come. He allowed me 13 years later to be in a somewhat similar situation and to have another opportunity to choose Him, instead of the world. Ohhh what a difference doing life God's way can make!!!!!

On my birthday 2 years ago, I received the best birthday present ever. It was a letter from my stepsister Angie! We had not spoken to each other in 17 years. Angie was my stepmom's only biological child, and Rachel's death absolutely devastated Angie as you can imagine.

In the letter, Angie told me that she had just accepted Jesus Christ as her personal Savior while in jail, and He had changed her life!!! WOW! If I had not been living in "Nineveh," I'm not sure that I would have ever received that letter. You see, our county allows you to look up people on the internet who have been arrested &/or are serving time in the jail. Someone told me that Angie was in the county jail so I looked her up. Sure enough, she was there.

Now here is how God works. On my route to take my children to school, I had to pass by that same jail - at least 4 times a day. I felt convicted to pray for her, and I did every time I drove by. Then, the Holy Spirit prompted me to send her a card to tell her that I had been praying for her. After hesitating initially, I finally sent the card.

In her letter, Angie told me that since she had become a Follower of Christ, she had started praying for me and my brother. She wrote...

"God had put you and S. (my brother) on my mind a lot lately. Especially the last 3 or 4 weeks before I got your card. I had started praying to God right before I got your card and 3 nights before I got it, I talked to God about you and S. So you can imagine how it made me feel when I saw your name on the card. I was so amazed. After 17 long years of no contact and only 3 nights after I talked to God about it.

But you see I have not reached out to God until I came in here. I really had been mad at God all these years. But now I realize that my life was saved when I was brought to jail."

My God is the Restorer of Relationships!

I do believe that I had to do my part and obey God in order to receive this blessing in this special way. And my journey of obedience started when I moved back to "Nineveh" 5 years ago.

So whatever it is that you know God wants you to do, DO IT!!! No more hesitation or justification - JUST DO IT!

"I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

#3 and I'm Complete

A Double Triple Dose of Dads

I grew up hearing people talk about my Dad #3. I was told that He loved me unconditionally and would forgive me, no matter what. I was told that He even wrote a Book for me that was full of instructions on how to live an abundant life. And then it happened. I finally got to meet Him for myself when I was 10 years old! I was soooo excited!

Like most new relationships, we spent a lot of time together, getting to know each other. I thought about Him all the time and constantly talked about Him to other people. I wanted to do things that would please Him, make Him proud of me. I thought the more I did, the more He would love me. I also thought that when I messed up, He was ready and waiting to punish me -after all, I deserved it.

Over the years, I allowed my imperfection to take its toll on our relationship. I didn't spend much time with Him anymore. Oh, I knew He was there, but I chose other people and other things over Him. However, I always knew that when I finished college and got married, He would be an important part of my life again.

What I didn't expect were the horrific events that took place my sophomore and junior years in college. "Lifetime" could have made a movie about it!!! Unfortunately not having a close relationship with Him during this time resulted in some very poor decisions on my part. I was simply in survival mode - the world's way. Even then, He never left my side. He protected me.

Finally, my life began to settle down. I got married and invited Him to be a more active part of my life, especially when challenges arose. He was always there, no matter my motive. Then, I had children and my communication with Him become more consistent. A few of the scales were removed from my eyes, and my hard heart was beginning to thaw.

In 2002 while taking my very first women's Bible study (Beth Moore's "Breaking Free"), my relationship with Him went to an entirely new level!!! And the healing began.

Since then, He has healed me from.....

- the lies that I believed about Him for so long (He was an angry judge just waiting to sentence me for my sins; He wouldn't love me or allow me to approach Him until I was perfect, etc.)

- the sins I committed because of the lies that I believed, both about Him and about life; You know, the thoughts we have and the things we believe (right or wrong) play themselves out in the choices that we make and the actions that we take.

- my bitterness, anger, disappointment, unforgiveness, perfectionism, control issues, etc.

- expecting other people to meet all of my needs; That's God's job, not anyone else's. This realization has been huge for me. It has allowed me to let people, especially my husband, off the hook. I've learned to turn to God first.

He healed me by extending His love, mercy, forgiveness & grace to me. He replaced the lies that I believed with truth, His Truth from His Word. He turned my anger & bitterness into joy.

So without further adue, let me introduce you to my Heavenly Father, my Savior, my Counselor, my Everything......

He is my Creator; my Abba Father (& yours)- 39 years ago today, I was born. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139:13-14

He is my Protector (& yours) Our house burned down when I was just one year old. We lost everything (all my baby pictures - which is why I take so many pics now!; the Easter dress my Granny had made for me; all of our worldly possessions), but we did NOT lose each other!!! No one was at home when an electrical problem started the fire.

He is my Triune God (& yours) He is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit all wrapped into one. The character of God is so vast that it's hard to wrap our little brains around it. The concept of the Trinity reminds me of an egg, to be tangible about it. An egg is made up of 3 parts - the yoke, the white, and the shell. These 3 parts come together to form 1 egg, not 3 separate items. Each part has its own purpose to fulfill, and an egg wouldn't be an egg without each part. God is the same way. He is The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit - each with His own special purpose to fulfill.

When I am afraid or in over my head, He is my Rescuer and my Comforter (& yours.) He is always with me (& you.) "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

He is my Redeemer and my Savior (& yours) God loved us sooooooo much that He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins so we could be forgiven and have eternal life with Him. "God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21.

He is my "Change Agent" (& yours) He loves me (& you) way too much to let me (& you) remain the same. So, He is constantly molding me, stretching me, and transforming me into the likeness of His Son.
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

"Yet, O Lord, You are our Father. We are the clay, You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand." Isaiah 64:8
I'm praying that God will use me as His hands in ministry to those around me, and that my life will be a reflection of God's handy work. May the imprint of God on my life be used for His glory.

He is my Gift Giver (& yours.) God gave me a birthday present today...I have a daily Bible verse calendar that I read everyday. Today's verse said, "...the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." WOW! What a gift!!! "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

And this is just the INTRODUCTION of who God is!!! I will be posting more about God and His attributes at least twice a month - more or less depending on the Holy Spirit's promptings.

So, how has God revealed Himself to you?