19 years ago today...

I was attending Cal State Northridge (CSUN - located in the Los Angeles area) my sophomore year in college as part of the National Student Exchange Program and planning to transfer there permanently. That was my plan until I received the news from over 3000 miles away that would change my life forever.

While at work. my stepmom Rachel was killed - brutally murdered. The events that unfolded over the next two years were like nothing I could have ever imagined. People in my family were falsely accused - they were only proven innocent after enduring a death penalty trial.

Not only were our hearts breaking over the death of Rachel, but our family was ripped to pieces by the false accusations. It took years before I was able to really mourn losing Rachel. She and my dad had been married for over 10 years, and we were close.

We all coped the best we could. Unfortunately, the grief, numbness (at times I could literally feel NOTHING), anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness that my heart harbored left no room for the Holy Spirit. I chose what the world had to offer as my remedy - not God.

In another post I'll have to share how God's hand of protection was on me and how He used this period in my life as preparation for what was yet to come. He allowed me 13 years later to be in a somewhat similar situation and to have another opportunity to choose Him, instead of the world. Ohhh what a difference doing life God's way can make!!!!!

On my birthday 2 years ago, I received the best birthday present ever. It was a letter from my stepsister Angie! We had not spoken to each other in 17 years. Angie was my stepmom's only biological child, and Rachel's death absolutely devastated Angie as you can imagine.

In the letter, Angie told me that she had just accepted Jesus Christ as her personal Savior while in jail, and He had changed her life!!! WOW! If I had not been living in "Nineveh," I'm not sure that I would have ever received that letter. You see, our county allows you to look up people on the internet who have been arrested &/or are serving time in the jail. Someone told me that Angie was in the county jail so I looked her up. Sure enough, she was there.

Now here is how God works. On my route to take my children to school, I had to pass by that same jail - at least 4 times a day. I felt convicted to pray for her, and I did every time I drove by. Then, the Holy Spirit prompted me to send her a card to tell her that I had been praying for her. After hesitating initially, I finally sent the card.

In her letter, Angie told me that since she had become a Follower of Christ, she had started praying for me and my brother. She wrote...

"God had put you and S. (my brother) on my mind a lot lately. Especially the last 3 or 4 weeks before I got your card. I had started praying to God right before I got your card and 3 nights before I got it, I talked to God about you and S. So you can imagine how it made me feel when I saw your name on the card. I was so amazed. After 17 long years of no contact and only 3 nights after I talked to God about it.

But you see I have not reached out to God until I came in here. I really had been mad at God all these years. But now I realize that my life was saved when I was brought to jail."

My God is the Restorer of Relationships!

I do believe that I had to do my part and obey God in order to receive this blessing in this special way. And my journey of obedience started when I moved back to "Nineveh" 5 years ago.

So whatever it is that you know God wants you to do, DO IT!!! No more hesitation or justification - JUST DO IT!

"I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

6 Years Ago Today...

I believe that God had me start this blog as a way to remember. Time and time again in the Bible, especially in the Old Testament, the Israelites would have an encounter with God and then build an altar to Him so they would never forget Him or what He had done for them. They used these altars as places of worship and places of remembrance. They used them as visual, tangible reminders so they could tell their children, grandchildren, and generations to come about God.

That is what I want my blog to be - a visual, tangible reminder of what God has done in my life and what He can/will do in the lives of generations to come. God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

So, God is using this particular time of year with its many anniversary dates of major events and people in my life to build this written altar to Him as a fragrant offering of praise on my journey to learn how to completely trust Him.

Six years ago today, February 28, 2003, was a cloudy Friday. Shawn was at work. Tanner was at school. Faith Wrenn and I were at church doing some fun activities with my friends and their children.

On the way to church that morning, I had called my husband Shawn (I'm going to call him SS from now on), but he couldn't talk because he was in a meeting. He said he would call me back. It was now lunch time, and I hadn't heard back from him. So, I tried calling him but no answer. Odd. He had a pager and a cell phone due to his job as an investigator at the sheriff's dept. He rarely missed a call. I called a few more times and still no answer.

An uneasy feeling surfaced. Actually, I had been dealing with some very strong emotions lately but had attributed them to some anniversary dates that were approaching. I thought God was having me deal with some unresolved issues from an event that I'll blog about on March 14. I now know that God was preparing me for what was about to happen, not something from the past.

Anyway, I shared my concerns with my good friend Leann who trusted my instincts. She decided that we should take our children to lunch at McDonald's near my house. She did this so our children could play at the indoor playground while I ran to my house to make some phone calls to try to reach SS.

I called SS's immediate supervisor who assured me that SS was fine, but he was still in a meeting. Red flags began to fly!!! Something was wrong - very, very wrong. It was lunch time on a Friday afternoon and the chances of a "regular" meeting lasting this long were slim to none.

Several hours later, I finally got a call from SS. My instructions were to get him an attorney NOW! He wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but he was being falsely accused of something because of his friendship with a co-worker who had been videotaped engaging in some questionable behavior.

As you can imagine, my heart dropped and I wanted to throw up! Instead, I prayed, called an attorney, and then called my parents to ask them to come get Tanner and Faith Wrenn. I spent that night alone, journaling, crying out to God, and gaining strength from Him. SS spent the night in jail.

Today, February 28, 2009, is 6 years later. SS and I spent the day together at a marriage conference hosted by Focus on the Family. We heard some incredible speakers and learned some "meaty" truths from God's Word. Honestly, SS and I were deeply touched and cried several times as the Holy Spirit moved us. (Don't tell him I told you that!) I know I'm writing the great American novel, but I have to share some of the things that we heard today. Gary Thomas, the author of "Sacred Marriage," said God designed marriage to make us holy, more so than to make us happy. He said it's not about the "how to" but it's about the "HEART to." He also said that marriage becomes the best way for us to worship God. We must love each other out of reverence to God.

Beth Moore said over and over and over again...FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!!! A good fight is a fight FOR your marriage, not with your spouse. She said a lot of powerful things, especially to the wives. But, the last thing she said keeps playing over in my mind. Her husband had made a comment about what his life may have been like if a certain event had not happened when he was a young child. Then Beth said that God spoke these words through her to her husband... You are a much neater person healed than you would have been just being well. Being a miracle gives people hope! WOW!!! How profound!!!

Del Tackett - Ephesians 5 - Wives submit to your husbands - Submission is an attribute or characteristic of God. It is His nature and we are called to be like Him! What a privilege we wives have, despite what the world would have us believe.

Gary Smalley was hilarious. He said the quality of our lives depend on our relationship with God. When we try to change our spouse to improve our quality of life, we are saying that Jesus Christ is not enough. Also, when people say things like "I don't love my spouse anymore" or "I'm not in love with my spouse anymore," they never had God's love in the first place because God's love NEVER ends, etc. (See 1 Corinthians 13.)

Lastly, John Trent talked about making small changes to impact big problems. He refers to this as the 2 degree difference. I would recommend visiting his website at http://www.strongfamilies.com/ for more details. He also told us to start blessing our spouses.

Speaking of marriage, SS and I both agree that if the events that began 6 years ago today had not happened, then we most likely would not be married today. SS will readily tell you that 6 years ago, his 1st, 2nd, & 3rd priority was his job; it was his mistress. He viewed his role in the family as strictly being the provider. He worked so much extra duty that the kids and I rarely saw him.

But God changed all of that. Not in a way that we would have chosen, but in a way that was very necessary. And looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.

The first Scripture that God gave me when all of this started was James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (Did I mention that I had been praying for joy before all of this started??!!!)

I will share more details of our story as God leads. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.